"I think this scene should change to India
now, and you can look that up on the map."
If you don't have a chance to see Lando's madcap
group of friends, enemies, and strange acquaintances, now is
your chance. If you have seen them and still wonder who the
heck they are, this page is also for you.
 Pimp Lando
The star of our series. Pimp Lando's a
jive-talkin' guy who does what he wants and don't take no guff
from nobody. Non-denominational in religion, he gets very
upset when either his hat or jacket are stolen. He is driven
by an unknown force to make hip what once was square, and he's
as easygoing as it gets, at least until his misadventures
begin in this series. His trademark saying is "What the
foo?!?" Oh yeah, he likes non-cursed donuts too. Voiced by
Casey Wayman.
 The Evil
Guitarist
First introduced in "A Pimp on Wall Street,"
The Evil Guitarist is Pimp Lando's sage. Whenever there is a
crucial decision to be made or a divergent path to take, the
Evil Guitarist is there to point Lando in the right direction.
A pretty bad driver, the Evil Guitarist has been picking on
Mr. Smiles the Hitman for years with his various evil
possessions. We never see him with a guitar, but his theme
song has a guitar in it. The Evil Guitarist suffers from
narcolepsy and falls asleep occasionally wherever he happens
to be. Voiced by Jeff Parkes.
 Dow Jones
Also introduced in "A Pimp on Wall Street," Dow
Jones is a mysterious character who lives on Wall Street. He
has many magic tricks up his sleeve, such as the ability to
turn into BONGO, and whenever his name is spoken it is
followed by sinister music. He tried trading a magic trick for
a vase once, but a long stringy mess of a mystery occurred
involving museums assessing mummies and guys named Charlie
having parties at which girls named Mimi were late. Dow Jones
loves clam chowder, especially from Boston, and recently
bought the farm. But underneath that blue jacket and goofy
glasses his secret identity remains a mystery to all who
haven't seen "What the Foo?!? A Pimp Lando Story." Voiced by
Billy Grant.
 Bruce (the
Thumper)
Bruce (the Thumper) is Pimp Lando's nemesis who
first appeared in "A Pimp In Time." Many years ago, the
Thumper planned to take over the world with a mystical totem
brought to him by his former lackey Darboe. However, Lando
arrived to spoil his plans and he has been holding a grudge
ever since. When not striving to spoil Pimp Lando's good
times, Bruce sells twisted metal and turns cute people into
tacky buffoons who randomly yell out comments. Why? Well, he's
the bad guy, it's what he does. Voiced by Billy Grant.
 Darboe
The fearless Darboe was the star of another 3D
movie entitled "The
Adventures of Darboe" by Darren Boekweg that didn't get
past the movie preview stage. Darboe is a solo adventurer who
usually refers to himself in the third person. He first made a
cameo in "What the Foo?!? A Pimp Lando Story" and since then
has been a recurring character for no real reason. Darboe used
to hire himself out to do jobs for people and once was hired
by Bruce to obtain a mystical totem so the Thumper could
enslave humanity. Darboe is perpetually late, often causing
people to ask, "Where is Darboe? Where is Darboe?" Darboe
showed up to Lando's holiday party and they've been friends
ever since. Voiced by Darren Boekweg.
 Hunk Golden
Hunk Golden, Pimp Lando's brother, is a
fun-loving Italian who first appeared in "Pimp Land U.S.A." As
a shoe salesman in the small town of Portifino, Hunk sold
thick-soled, industrial-quality shoes. He always wanted to
break loose and have FUN, but he had his reputation to uphold.
One day, Hunk found a pair of shoes with pointy toes and
handsome leather soles. He tried on the shoes and suddenly
began dancing: through the aisles, on the counter tops, he
even danced with an old lady. Hunk kept dancing out into the
street until he got home. Like his brother, Hunk Golden does
not subscribe to a religion, and he loves Billy Joel music.
Voiced by Casey Wayman.
 Kwik Kiwi
shopkeeper
The Kwik Kiwi shopkeeper exists just to make
Pimp Lando's life more confusing. He first appeared in "A Pimp
on Wall Street" selling cursed donuts in a cave, and later
returned to sell coffee in Boston. Not much is known about the
Kwik Kiwi shopkeeper, but we do know that he is an unorthodox
Muslim who goes to parties during Ramadan (which was during
December in 1999, when "Pimp Lando's Non-Denominational
Holiday Special" takes place), and he wears many disguises.
Some suspect he is in league with the Evil Guitarist, but we
may never know for sure. Voiced by Jeff Parkes.
 Mr. Smiles the
Hitman
A personification of Murphy's Law, Mr. Smiles
the Hitman's first appearance in "A Pimp on Wall Street" was
to convey to Lando exactly why The Evil Guitarist went by that
name. Since then, he has been subject to repeated bruisings
and injuries inflicted by The Evil Guitarist. The most was
during "What the Foo?!? A Pimp Lando Story" when he was
unfortunately in the way of the Evil Ambulance on three
occasions. His life can be expressed in the line he has when
he is hit the third time: "I'm not having a good day!" His
trademark is stupidity. Voiced by Casey Wayman.
 Random Comment
Guy
Random Comment Guy was originally Ricardo
Montalbam, but got transformed by the Thumper into his current
mismatched self in "A Pimp in Time." Since then his job has
been to run around and give completely random comments to
passers-by wherever he may be. He also hires himself out as a
fake Christmas tree during the winter season. Random Comment
Guy is based in a real person at Hunter High School, where the
three directors of these movies went to high school. He stole
Lando's hat and gave it to Hunk Golden sometime between "A
Pimp in Time" and "Pimp Land U.S.A." Voiced by Jeff
Parkes.
 Kristine
Kastlewood
Kristine Kastlewood is Pimp Lando's one true
love, or at least the only date we've seen him on. She's a
spunky gal who first appeared in "Love Changes Every Pimp" dragging
Lando out of the clutches of a mob, then going with him
to a theatrical spectacle. At first a bit jerky, she warmed
up to Lando when he saved her from the evil Spectre of the
Musical Exhibition. She's from Cancun, where the water is turquoise
and clear, and has lots of special skillz, like singing,
dancing, fainting, laughing, falling, and karate kicking!
What a woman! Voiced by Katie Grant Baker.
Outlaw 2
Originally some probably beloved character from
Doraemon, this guy began working for Bruce the Thumper
not too long ago. He first appears in "Multipimpcity," and he
builds machines, fires guns, and makes excellent pancakes for
Bruce. Outlaw 2 always tries to be a hep cat, with normally
dismal results. But on the plus side, he is the only
semi-major Pimp Lando character that can actually open his
mouth. Voiced by Jeff Parkes.
The Rest of the
Characters
The world of Pimp Lando extends far beyond
these characters we've outlined thus far, but there isn't
enough room to give every single character their own
biography. If you want to see the rest of them, watch the
movies! Some of these are voiced by our dear friends and
family, including Nathan Winder, Ben Parkes, Kjersti Parkes,
Annelise Murphy, and Tom Hanks. Well, Tom Hanks isn't our
friend or family, but he is in one of the episodes.
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